Are you in the business of dumping rubbish?
Do you think that councils charge too much to
dispose of commercial waste?
Sick of juggling endless waste transfer notes?
Why not join the Flytippers Union – the up and coming trade association for people who think “rules” are for do-gooders.
Rogue traders and dodgy geezers will be delighted to learn that the FU is in NO WAY affiliated with the police or local council environmental services, and that your details will not be passed on to any authority with powers to levy unlimited fines and/or prison sentences.
It’s got a big thumbs up from the trade waste industry, too, with spokeswoman Abril Dio de los Inocentes, saying that flytippers joining one big gang is the boost that the legitimate waste trade needs during these days of financial instability.
“If you yearn for the days when you could get away with dumping half a ton of asbestos into a hedge, no questions asked, then this is the 100% genuine trade association for you,” said Ms de los Inocentes.
“Nobody’s going to grass you up.”
How to join the FU
We know how you hate paperwork and the inconvenience of dealing with the authorities, so we’ve made joining the Flytippers Union as easy as your mucker shoving a load of plasterboard out of the back of a van as you drive slowly through a lay-by.
Flyer Tippers Union
Join Today!
Just fill out the form
- Free FU sticker for the back of your van
- Free copies of the Flytippers Union magazine “The Hedgerow”
- Regular members’ meetings at popular tipping sites
- We promise not to hand your details over to the police
Simply fill in the form above with a few details. Membership is
FREE! Just sit back and reap the benefits of the FU. All we need is:
● Your name
● Your address
● Van licence plate(s)
● Your phone number, network provider, and device IMEI number (find this at Settings
– General – About if you’re unsure where to find it)
● Recent photo for your membership card
● Three examples of your best flytips of the past year (to add to our popular league
tables!), with dates, locations and photographs if possible
● Your whereabouts at approximately 7.35 on the evening of 18th February this year,
with witness statements as necessary
As we’ve already made 100% clear, these details will be treated with the confidentiality they
deserve, and WILL NOT be handed over to law enforcement agencies.
In return, you’ll receive
● Your membership card which you should carry at all times (and not because it has a
GPS chip inside!!!!!)
● Free FU sticker for the back of your van (also NOT embedded with a GPS chip)
● Six hundred copies of the Flytippers Union magazine “The Hedgerow”, already
bundled up and ready to dump in a beauty spot of your choice. It contains handy tips
on the best cost-free methods of dumping dangerous waste; how to intimidate
witnesses and do-gooders; and our ever popular ‘Readers’ Wives’ section, where
family members pose in front of your latest tip, your van number plate clearly visible
in the photograph
● Regular members’ meetings at popular tipping sites (picnic site car parks, remote so-
called beauty spots, that road that runs round the back of the industrial estate) in
association with our sister organisation, the Doggers Union, as there is a significant
overlap of both members and locations
The club that’s going places*
Spokeswoman Abril Dio de los Inocentes says “Why not join the club that’s going places?*
“Flytipping gets a bad press, when all you’re doing is giving value to businesses and
individuals who would otherwise be forced to dispose of their waste legally and ethically with
an eye to improving the environment.
“Nobody needs that do-gooding nonsense! Science has proven it’s all a hoax**”
Ms de los Inocentes reiterates: “This is 100% NOT A TRAP.
Don’t hesitate – sign up now!!”
And remember our motto: “Got waste to dump in a hedge? FU!”
*HM Prison Belmarsh
**Correction: It is not a hoax
